April 15, 2011
Dear Readers,
As promised, for our second entry to “Romance with Knowledge,” here are links to a series of three Huffington Post articles by Dr. Deepak Chopra, where he invites the reader to take a look at the evolutionary possibilities in our female-male relationships!
Enjoy!
“How Men Can Be Wise About Women”
cleargreendreaming
Dear trackers of energy,
contingencies don´t exist.
Since a while this theme is the epicenter of all my stalking and I feel it is the same for a greater mass of the tensegrity structure.
THANK YOU Cleargreen to put it on the table!
Here we are.
One of the key-sentences in Dr. Deepak Chopra´s articles is
“Men need to become wise about women, and that can only happen when women value themselves. ”
I am a woman.
Since a while I truly value myself, my female socialization and habits.
In the beginning it was a very shocking and defiating process, and I know it is the most important battlefield for me, especially for all women. I know there is a lot of energy tied.
First I found a lot of missed and lost habits and the question how it could happen, the self-denial and self-destruction, the lost self-confidence, the missing authority and assertiveness, and several other habbits?
What had happened?
When und how I lost them?
What was my part of it?
What can I do exactly to get them back?
I started making a list of my elementary needs and formed my intent to put them in the first place, no matter what happens.
It is necessary speaking out what I need.
Are there other functional tools? Yes! ;-)
Of course: Changes of body-positions and Inner Dialoque.
A very interesting point is:
How I use language?
What happens if I change the structure of my speeches?
This is a very subtile point.
The thicket of memories, feelings, new questions, building new strategies and acting them out, navigating each day, is clarifying step by step. A new beginning,
It is necessary that men are patient and give females time and space to renew themselves.
But I don´t think it make sense to talk about “men” in an abstract way.
Daily life is the battlefield. One can start with the ones in ones personal surrounding field.
I really hope we will have a fertile conversation here, also I just gave a very short overview.
with affection-
greeendroplet
Yay Greendroplet!!! We invite you and anyone else interested to say more about: Valuing oneself, and aiding that by: Putting your elementary needs first, changes of body position and inner dialogue, and the related: How one uses language.
This last item a basic tenet of what the students of don Juan have taught: We attract and even shape our experience with our language. So they encouraged us to explore, as you have asked: “What happens if I change the structure of my speech?” So we invite you, and others to explore, and share here: What does happen, if you change the structure of your speech?
And we agree–speaking of a gender in the abstract can be challenging, it seems to have greater meaning if we observe directly, including those beings, men and women, in our personal surrounding field–and our interactions with them.
With Thanks,
Your
CleargreenDreaming Moderators
Thank you for sharing this article! :)
This is are my favorites quotes:
***What bothers me is that the real goal of relationship is being undermined, and that goal is a bond that makes a man and woman much more than two people who happen to connect.***
***The spiritual goal of both sexes is to discover their true self, which blends Shiva and Shakti, the deep potential that gives rise to all the qualities of masculinity and femininity.***
***So what kind of man has become wise about women?
-Someone who values making love, not just reaching orgasm
-Someone who has learned to care for others, not simply take care of them as a provider
-Someone whose masculine strength is kept in quiet reserve, not broadcast as boasting, dominating and showing aggression
-Someone who makes decisions based on intuition
-Someone who realizes that reason is made stronger by emotions, not weaker
***
***It’s humbling for the average man to look upon his wife or partner as his spiritual teacher, but in the most honest relationships, both are teachers.***
***Yet I meet many women who feel equal enough; that isn’t their problem. Their problem is feeling unfulfilled. The negative side of this feeling is a sense of anxiety about their existence or vague depression.***
***After all, arriving at more freedom and equality isn’t an end unto itself. Freedom is a platform for greater fulfillment, meaning that it allows new desires to reach their goal. What are these new desires?
-Relating to men emotionally, with trust that your feelings are valued and won’t be judged.
-Bonding at a deep level, with complete trust that you are accepted.
-Exploring who you really are and who your partner really is — in other words, discovering your soul.
-Letting love and intimacy grow without imposing boundaries or letting fear get in the way.
- Following a higher purpose together.
-Living in accord with Nature and not despoiling the planet.
-Raising a generation of children who can be more fulfilled than this generation.
As you can see, this outline of a spiritual relationship amounts to a kind of grand vision…***
***The world’s wisdom traditions mostly talk in the singular, about how one soul can reach heaven or enlightenment or Nirvana. Yet human beings have always been social, and the growth of the individual — leaving aside the small fraction of people suited to be monks and recluses — occurs in a family setting. Looking around today, one sees countless families where inner growth is wanted, yet it’s not an easy subject to talk about.***
***The spiritual side of life in modern society has been divorced from “real life,” meaning the material side.***
***This means that in order to close the gap between the two sexes and achieve a spiritual relationship, men have to be aware that they have a part to play, and women have to speak up about their deepest desires. The path begins with honesty and willingness.***
***I realize that men tend to be blamed for being too controlling, emotionally distant, afraid of intimacy, and absorbed in work far more than in relationship. Instead of issuing these blanket complaints, we need to begin where we are. Both sexes are under the same external pressures and subject to stereotyping. The only way to get out of that situation is through a process. Processes take time, yet in the end results are reached. The process of growing spiritually happens one person at a time, which is fortunate, because nobody has to pursue a grand design for transformation. All you need is the right partner, and fulfilling that need begins by saying what you want, what you dream about for yourself, and what kind of fulfillment is lacking.***
Deepak Chopra used vibrant language to express this new visions and agreements and I like it very much:)
Language to me is an agreement to put the assemblage point in the position it is right now. The position where we dream forward (speak forward) new agreements we need to make, so our energy can be used differently rather then just focusing on the experience of pain. Of “giving” and “taking” pain.
Language is “talking” and shaping you -in and out- to a position of the assemblage point for dualities. It is shaping our world and cannot be separated from this perception, but it’s a mystery at the same time and we don’t have another language yet, we all agree upon. But the change will invent one;)
I like being here and use language, but sometimes there is no need for language. And if there is, then for a healthy one: simple and honest, without attachment to it, but with awareness for responsibility.
Love,
Bari
Dear shining beings,
although I repeat myself (which normally abates the power of an argument):
contingencies don´t exist.
There is an energetic opening for this topic.
I am very happy to share the following link with you, sent today by a beautiful open hearted woman of our practicegroup, a newcomer from the classes.
It comes right in time.
<http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H35lXdvok9s&feature=player_embedded
Enjoy!
Together we can make miracles!
from my deepest heart
greeendroplet
Dear greendroplet:
Thank you!!!!–and: What is meant by “contingencies don’t exist”?
CleargreenDreaming
Heeello everybeing! Brilliant article!
It is very sharp, i feel, by pointing these “fads” forced upon mainstream science. I was surprised to discover that such fads and theories were the very basis for what became the ideological padding of fascism. Nowadays, theories and selfrighteous claims with the same ‘scent’ are being promoted (by media/press repetition) as fads, only packaged in a friendlier way. For some two decades i’ve been looking at covers of scientific magazines and there are almost always (despite from which country) the main themes: brain, sex, god–any of these in any combination or all of them.
Strong cause/effect dogma is suggested in parallel with these themes: a human being is portrayed as a ‘leaf’ on the mercy of strong winds of causality.
This brings to memory a brilliant alegory in the film The Matrix: the Merovingian (a machine) arrogantly expressed his view that everything is part of a doing, a system of cause and effect. This is how he lived: by pushing buttons and levers and extracting predictable emotional reactions from others. “….action and reaction” he was reciting arrogantly, “cause and effect”… Then when he was confronted by a completely external not-doing to his system of causality–Love, it blew his mind off. He failed to grasp any cause/effect chains in Love so he couldn’t understand it–he was a Machine, and Machines lack this one essential/sentient thing: awareness. He didn’t know that high awareness activates inherent energetic: interconnectivity beyond physical boundaries and cause/effect mechanisms. His wife (yet another Machine) desperately tried to find a sense of Love through lust, yet never achieving it because it also relied on purely physiological mechanisms of cause and effect. She deeply envied humpan beings.
It reminds of how sometime ago the Nagual had said half-humorously: “Man had a choice at one point in human history, he could choose between Freud and Mesmer and he (unfortunately) chose Freud…”. Freud being another source of selfrighteous fad theories that portray humans as helpless victims of powerful impulses. While Mesmer studied and practically used the energetic fact of us being interconnected between ourselves and the stars and planets and everything… The fierce order did everything to diminish, erase and distort what he found and did. There is an amazing film called Mesmer–it goes through all this.
There is a unspoken cult of the “head”, of the “brain” that is gradually coming to an end (is what many start to feel). This cult ruled by imposing the structure of the brain into human society: the structure of the brain is–fragmented, organised in hierarchical layers of ‘importance’ and all sorts of taxonomy categories and glosses. In this labyrynth the fragments can be omited and connected in any (often grotesque!) way. This is fine when the brain is used as a tool but when it crowns itself as ‘the king’ the consequences are devastating and have cost countless lives for milenia.
For example, if we take metaphorically a mass of human beings as an interconnected Tensegrity structure, as the ‘cells of the body’ so to speak, we can see how such connection is awakened intuitively: durring the First World War soldiers, when left alone, from both sides of the tranchees spontaneously met eachother, shook hands and exchanged tobaco and chocolate and sang songs together. When the HEADS of the states and the armies learned about this they were enraged and ordered immediate renewal of the fighting and killing. This shows what happens when a simple TOOL (the brain) becomes the ruler–he’d even destroy the conglomerate of the very cells(the body) he parasites in his madness.
This ‘head’ cult, though causing both genders problems, seem to have a connection with the ‘pater’/father cult. A father who is ‘above’ is the most common structure of the last several thousand years and it portrays a vertical axis. In the future-foreseeing film Wild Palms the tyrants were called “the Fathers” (the elitist virtical structure of our times) and the freedom fighters were called The Friends (horisontal plane of interconnected beings of equal importance). The vertical axis is somewhat “falic”, it brings to mind these obelisques where they write the names of all the killed in wars, as if they were given as sacrifice to some cult.
When i was in France i noticed that this ‘pater’ cult is so taken for granted that it has affected language in the most grotesque way: they call the country “mère” (mother) but not without adding “patrie” to it, where “patrie” obviously comes from “pater”(father)–”mère patrie” is what they call the country. They can call the country only “patrie” but not only “mère”.
The article is very sharp in accentuating that human beings selfexplanatory purpose in life is reclaiming complete awareness, what can be called ‘fulfilment’, and we saw that enhanced awareness activates lines of interconnectivity made of pure affection–the very lines that makes us FEEL for the other and ourselves. When we do feel we do see how the temporary organisation of their energy is organised (through female or male form), and we do feel how through acknowledging their gender structure we can sense in what to love, enhance and support their being and to accept love and nurturing support from them. ..laughing at how common our mistakes are, while marveling at their inner strength and beauty…
Good morning,
contingency, coincidence or fortuitousness convey an accident event or action.
For me it is a feeling and expression of some automatical, unconscious, unknowingly.
I am convinced energy is conscious.
Whereever I put my attention on, I perceive related and familar energy.
For example: You put this theme on the table which is one of my main themes since a while and next day another person send this video. That makes me feeling filled with awe.
I am living in a state of wondering permanently. ;-)
It makes me curious about what will come next. I feel aligned and grounded and confident for all my purposes.
What a big chance, if a mass of individuals put there attention on one topic!
Enjoy this beautiful day!
clickclickclick
greeendroplet
thank you for all your sincere and aware comments helping me to see all the parts of the puzzle.
I liked to read the essay of Deepak Chopra – mostly his comment
“Men needed to see that women want to express their feelings, while women needed to be patient with men’s desire to fix a problem, rather than feeling what it was about.”
That’s my favorite one :))))
My impression is that hormones are the strongest drugs we carry in ourselves and it’s worth to learn to manage them through meditation, sports, abstract affection, science or any possible way….there are many…maybe endless possibilities…the spirit.
I also liked very much the video “Men 2011″ because it’s a gesture, a step into a new direction, a cordial, wise approach…and that feels good! Anyhow I know that it can’t replace my own stalking-dreaming-process on a specific and daily basis. What got clearer the last days through focusing on this and listening all these/your voices -and my own- is, that due to my familiar background I unconsciously focused on the male side in my being, denying my female part or at least sophisticating it. Apparently absurd in the first attention this led to focusing on my female role model, playing superwoman…wondering why I hadn’t ressources to direct my movie until the ‘happy end’. I also rebelled against outer male energy fervently, running against walls, hurting myself sometimes. Observing, stalking-dreaming these patterns of behaviour I learn to integrate my true female energy in my being and to accept pure male essence. This helps me to stop focusing on my male part: not to force myself nor others, let my brain go, accept other’s brain-centeredness without rebelling too harshly… Entering the climacteric period I can accept even a natural, balanced male/female energy in my own body…
Walking on the path with heart for me is to listen to my heart, to feel it, learning to hear it’s voice, accepting it as it is: running, beating, out of fear or annihilating itself through sadness or going berserk or trying to understand myself in this odyssey and to accept myself as I am.
Maybe I’m getting whole ;) step by step :) and my heart is the one that “counts” and it doesn’t need to identify if somebody is male or female. And it’s happy to have you around – Thanx, hugs and light *0*
Dear shining trackers of energy,
yes, I agree, we shape our experiences with our language.
I´ve started putting my attention on “How I use language?” a while ago.
At this point I perceived that my interactions became independent somehow and followed unwanted directions and did not direct to success mostly.
Interactions turned into lack of understanding, conflicts, speechlessness, sometimes interuption of any interaction.
I found myself left with feelings of not taken serious, feelings of immense anger, feeling of guilt, fears, including fear about this anger, helplessness, unability and sadness. I felt very uncomfortable and unhappy.
I started to examine my pattern of interaction.
In the first place I found out that I use language very imprecise and I was putting my attention on the partner of interaction all the time: Saying what he/she did wrong, what he/she should do or not do.
This directed to a spirale of permanent defense and anger, which absorps mass of energy.
Of course there are related body-positions and inner dialogues.
Using language imprecise was a mirror of my unconsciousness about my own, my assessment for myself.
I had to determine lacks of self-worth and clarity what I really want, followed by uncertainness, self-denial and subservience, lack of responsibility.
The social patterns behind this are very, very subtle.
As little girl I got teached permanently to hide my wants and feelings to the point, where I forgot about them. I can say: I really forgot myself.
It´s really shocking reminding this.
I remember many situations, each day and step by step I got teached to forget myself.
Girls don´t do that! Be quiet! Be kind! Noone will love you, if you do that. Anger makes you ugly, so you will never get a husband. And so on. I heard my mother saying to my brother “You are responsible for your little sister!” This is another point: I gave up my responsibility. And I took advantage of this and he started to hate this responsibility. But he had to do it, so it was the start of violence between us, when we were childs. Violence, attacks, defense, permanently and of both sides.
Girls learn to smile, even if somebody violates them. Smile, smile, smile, no matter what happens. A tortured smile.
I was a wildone and I am smart, I learned to act sneaky, manipulating everybody around permanently, but beside this I lost the connection to myself, how I really are.
I don´t want all this waste any more.
Now I do dream myself as open hearted conscious and responsible being, able to laugh about myself, with the right of having and expressing feelings, with the right of allowances and fulfillment of them, appreciating the same by other beings.
The relation to usage of speech?
I intent speaking out loud and as precise as possible what I perceive and how I feel about my perceptions and what I really need. I am asking for specific things for fulfillment my needs. And I listen and ask the partner of interaction what he/she perceive, how he/she feels about it and what he/she really wants and need and how he/she will fulfill it. This is power with. It works for me.
I perceive this is a longer process of re-training.
The old speech pattern are very persistent, they seem to be automatized.
I perceive sometimes, when I require something unusual (what other persons never heard me saying before), that this other person tries do make me weak.
This may have the form of adulation “You can do that better”, denial “No, I will not clean the bathroom” or threat “I perceive since a while that your feelings to me have changed”., for example. This are subtle traps. It is necessary to keep the request, if not, I know I will loose again, my legitimate requirement, my self-worth, step by step.
I am learning not to fear heated argument.
It is very interesting, that since I am acting out the precise usage of speech, I have more precise memories of my night-dreams.
Thank you for your attention!
clickclickclick
;-)
greeendroplet
These articles remind me something I’ve learned over the years.
I learned that even though in general males have the male aspect as the dominant aspect, the female aspect is very much there and as real as the male aspect, and waiting to be acknowledged.
Likewise, even though in general women have the female aspect as the dominating aspect, the male aspect is just as present there and in just as dire need to be assumed responsibility for.
This duality is something that expresses itself in my experience on all levels; mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and sexually.
It would appear that the foreign mind has put considerable effort into driving a wedge between the natural harmony of those two aspect in each of us individually; leaving us with a reality where only one aspect has permission to express itself, and then still only within the framework of a social conditioning that is very limited in its freedom. All this having the net result of an imbalance in our self-awareness and thus expression, one that we can see clearly in the behaviour of the members of both genders.
Something else these articles remind me of are two dreaming experiences I recently had.
Years ago, when I read that Julian Osorio could change into a woman it had me hooked. I wished to learn that! Imagine, experiencing first hand what a woman experiences – an exhillerating thought!
Years passed and that wish never diminished. Nothing happened though. Nada.
Then recently I dreamed with my Brother and a stranger. My Brother told the stranger that I could change into a woman. The stranger asked what kind of a woman. My Brothers’ reply was “A beautiful one.”
I couldn’t believe my ears. lol
Some nights after that, I found myself in dreaming again and there was a big struggle going on. I left that behind and went to a relatively safe place, and there under the watchfull eyes of people who appeared to protect me, I changed into this beautiful woman. And you know what? I felt a power in my womb that as a male I could not even have imagined to exist. Humbling, mindblowing, exciting – all that and more. It left me speechless. Still does.
And you know what? I can’t wait for women around the world to start putting all that power to use. It’ll make all the difference. For the better. :)
I have a joke that says a lot about a woman’s destiny, “When God saw the first time Adam and Eve, he said, you Adam, I have done you well I’m happy, but you Eve you have to make-up:) and it was in our history . I do not know how long the women can follow any PhotoShop ideal images of how a woman should look like?
Thank you, greeendroplet, saturnshining, Cleargreen, and everyone starting this conversation…
I am a woman and this is a central focus for me, too, at this time. It is difficult for me to say anything at all, because I am still very entrenched in the “thicket”, but I feel compelled to try.
greeendroplet, I also found it “shocking” when I started turn my attention to imbalances in my life. I realized I had always felt these imbalances, but never talked about it even to myself. As such they were deemed not to exist. And things that are not acknowledged, never go away, either.
And it was equally if not more shocking for me, to see the same imbalances repeated all around me, prescribed male and female roles, everywhere… It’s so obvious, yet our everyday language pretty much totally ignores these imbalances. It’s like, all of the everyday language around me is directed to “keeping up appearances,” and I’ve done my fair share of this, too. I don’t need to do this any more.
Waiting by the supermarket cash register has always annoyed me, to see blaring magazine headlines, mostly telling women (and men) how they are supposed behave. I realized that over the years I’d collected a lot of these phrases myself, in spite of being annoyed by them, storing these prescriptions so I’d have a script to follow, in order to be socially acceptable, or “just in case” so I wouldn’t be socially ostracized. Now, when I walk by those same magazine racks, I say, “I don’t need those rehearsals any more.”
I also started saying this phrase out loud, “—– [insert here something to get rid of - i. e. female pattern, male pattern, self-importance etc.], I don’t need you. I will not be directed by your script.”
And it’s starting to help…
I have a lot of work to do. But you all are a huge inspiration. I wish you all the best to continue in your paths.
Thanks again, shiny beings, with much love & appreciation
Dear everyone,
After a long time now I read the article. I guess because the time is there now for me to read it.
I understand the part Deepak is telling about of finding fulfillment. My dream for a relationship has always been fulfillment. Two beings melting together with a deep intent of growth together. For every partner I met, I had this measure.
In every relationship I had there were moments when this fulfillment happened. A being together, seeing into each other, enjoying moments together.
But the gap or behaviours are there. I forget to mention to myself what I need or want, instead of that blaming my partner and becoming raving mad. Forgetting my femaleness is something precious and good.
I see the sexes mirror each other and can bring out these old patterns in each other. I see also the question for me as a woman, am I not being overpowering or too aggressive in a male way to my partner? Extremes are very much what drives us up the wall.
If I can be more calm, but more clear about what I want, who I am as a woman and give space for my partner to grow and learn as well, the relationship might come closer to fulfillment, that initial dream.
For men to learn more about embracing femaleness in themselves, I feel they have to trust other men not to laugh at them, I guess more men adopting this, will make it more common.
Still I feel this endeavor is one you do alone while you are in the relationship, with my own new acts dreaming a new position, but how fast my partner or I will grow in this depends on our own becoming aware. My intent is this growth strongly, because so many past generations and relationships now, start with hope and fulfillment, but end in less pleasant ways.
The good qualities are in us, but lie hidden, it’s up to us to pull them up and create something new.
Thank you for the article about this subject, it’s very forward-dreaming-inspiring!
Yes I like Deepak Chopra’s stuff. Did you see on cable about the warrior gene? those who you would think had it did not and visa versa….funny.
Thank you Patrick–Do you remember the title of the cable show? Very interesting!